The best old people jokes

A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
Vote: has 29.98 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, age, old people
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, doctor
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
Vote: has 28.48 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, food
In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a nigger who was sitting calm in a seat: In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet! In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling.
Vote: has 25.87 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, travel, old people
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Vote: has 25.67 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, phone, car, health, driving
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. 
The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" "
The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" 
 The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)
Vote: has 23.03 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, animal, horse
Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!
Vote: has 22.70 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, work
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Vote: has 22.70 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, time, kids, animal, bird
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.
Vote: has 17.31 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people