Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” Tech Support: “Yes.” Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?” Tech Support: “It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.” Customer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t. England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.” After trying to explain how the web worked, the customer refused to take my word and said she was going to call AOL. A while later she called back. Customer: “Well, AOL said you were correct; no long distance charge for overseas web sites. I do have another question I thought of after I hung up with AOL.” Tech Support: “Yes?” Customer: “Do you think they charge extra for long distance email?” Tech Support: “Trust me — they don’t.” Customer: “Wonderful! My oldest son works in Sweden. He sends us email, but I was always afraid to reply because I didn’t know how much it would cost, so I just called him on the phone. This will save us lots of money! Still if AOL was smart they would charge for this service.”
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales? Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”