The best phone jokes

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, phone, car
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, insulting, phone
A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, phone
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone, technology
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, phone, technology
Your mamma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone!
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More jokes about: Yo mama, stupid, phone
A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, college, football, phone
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, wife, phone, driving, stupid
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, women, husband, phone, beer
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell phones.
Vote: has 43.84 % from 121 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: prison, phone