The best phone jokes

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell phones.
Vote: has 43.84 % from 121 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: prison, phone
Someone calls at the hotline: Good evening. I’ve just installed Windows 98... So? Wheel I have a problem... Ok, ok, you just said that...
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, phone
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don’t have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?”" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
Vote: has 38.49 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, work, phone, money
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 36.32 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, phone, blonde, car
Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, phone, war, teacher
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America. She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?" The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya" And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum" The guy says: "In that case follow me" So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!" So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, women, technology, phone
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Vote: has 34.40 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, phone, sex
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, phone, blonde, car
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, phone, baby