The best phone jokes

What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
Vote: has 70.83 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
Vote: has 70.55 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, school, phone
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11
Vote: has 69.90 % from 187 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, phone, math
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she gave me an ear infection over the phone.
Vote: has 68.01 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, phone, insulting
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, technology, phone
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, phone, cop
Chuck Norris has an iPhone with whole apple.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone