A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.