Girl: “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
Mother: “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
Girl: “My homework.”
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his student.
"And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied.
"I never pay attention anyway!"
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college.
So my parents sent me to dog training school.
I learned a lot when I was there.
Sit, stay, roll over.
I haven't quite got the fetching part down.
They say I'm a little rough around the edges.
Teacher: "Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions."
Pupil: "It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers."
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon.
For a long time, they could not decide upon any game.
Suddenly, Jenny had an idea.
She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools".
"OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
One day two girls were trying out for the school cheerleading squad.
One was a blonde and one was a brunette.
After they both had tryouts, they went home to wait until the results were posted.
The blonde goes to see if she made it that night.
Once she found out she made it she got out her cell phone and called the brunette, but she didn't answer, so the blonde just went back home. The next day the brunette called the blonde to see if she wanted to go with her to look at their scores.
The blonde says sure and meets the brunette at the school.
The brunette beats the blonde to the school, so she goes ahead and looks at the scores to find out they both made it.
When the blonde gets there, she finds her name on the list again. Then she says, "Yes! I made it again, I made it last night and I made it again today. I am on a roll!"
It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh.
At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"
The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance.
"If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.
Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."
And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"
Vote: