Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.
Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me not to use tables.
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?
Moe: I don’t know. What?
Joe: The ruler.
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?
Leonard: Why?
Jacob: She had bright students!
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
Vote:
A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher.
She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.
"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.
"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.
"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.
"Well," sobs the little girl.
"I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?
Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher.
"What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."