Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information" "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.
What do Scientists have for snacks? Micro-chips.