The best sex jokes

An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’
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The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’ The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
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One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Vote: has 63.56 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, animal
A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side. Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ. ‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
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Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "Sorry No, I just burped."
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Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
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More jokes about: sex, school, car
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Vote: has 63.22 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

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Sex is when a guys communication, enters a girls information, to increase the population, for a younger generation, do you get the information... or do you need a demonstration.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: poems, women, men, communication, sex
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt! So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
Vote: has 63.10 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

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Maths is like s*x... ADD the bed MINUS the clothes DIVIDE the legs and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
Vote: has 63.01 % from 186 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, sex