Apparently 98% of black people enjoy sex in the shower. The other 2% have never been to prison.
What happens when a dwarf runs between a girls legs? He gets a clit around the head and a flap on the face.
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Programming is like sex One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"