Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
Q: What's the worst part about sex?
A: When they wake up!
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra.
The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Vote:
The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex.
Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart.
Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.
So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison."
And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again.
The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.