A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
Question master: ‘In the Garden of Eden, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?’ Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one!’ Question master: ‘Well done. Two points.’
Good: Your daughter has got a new job. Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very ugly: She makes more money than you.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? When his hand caught fire.