The best sex jokes

What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M.
Vote: has 45.68 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

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One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, health, fitness, wife, sex
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Vote: has 45.53 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

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Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
Vote: has 45.53 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, death, jewish
Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
Vote: has 45.27 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

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What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
Vote: has 45.24 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

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- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
Vote: has 44.84 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

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Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
Vote: has 44.50 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, wife
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
Vote: has 44.47 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

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Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
Vote: has 44.47 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex