What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove?
About a half an hour...
Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water."
She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!"
He replied, "Thank God!"
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his his nose.
Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out the underpants.
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car.
He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.
Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex?
They're called "Predickamints".
Two men are having a drink together.
One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married.
What about you?’
‘I don’t know,’ says the other.
‘What was her maiden name?’
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."