What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M.
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition. The deceased possessed a tremendous sexual organ. Aaron, you see what I am seeing? Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine. That long? No, that dead.
Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.