The best sex jokes

A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Vote: has 37.09 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Vote: has 36.89 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
Vote: has 36.78 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, sex, dirty, disgusting
A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’
Vote: has 36.45 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Vote: has 35.73 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, sex
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Vote: has 35.66 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sex, women, baby
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
Vote: has 35.51 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
Vote: has 35.51 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Vote: has 35.32 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Vote: has 35.12 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex