The best sex jokes

Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, phone, sex
From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom`s the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sweee-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, your drunk!! Hahahahaha wot a fucking LAUGH!
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, sport, cop, car, sex
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
Vote: has 35.51 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Vote: has 35.32 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Vote: has 35.20 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, sex, women, baby
Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall
Vote: has 34.74 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

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Randy Rachel has got a speech impediment – she can’t say no.
Vote: has 34.25 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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What’s the sex? The sex in a disease. You always get in bed because of it.
Vote: has 33.88 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, health