A famous boxer must be operated by appendicitis. From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says: A can’t do this anymore! I try to anesthetize him, I count until 9 and he gets up and starts punching me...
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after 3 periods
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them? A. Just in case they get a hole in one.
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles. Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often. There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies. Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players. An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.