"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do. I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That's until they throw me out of Applebees." Dave Letterman
When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants. High five!
Mama Bear and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand. The judge says, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "He beats me." The judge then asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?" "No," Baby Bear replies. "She beats me too." So the judge says, "So who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody."
I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.
What games do ants play with elephants? Squash!
Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano? His undertaker. Golf
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one!
Why is basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
The other day was Take Your Daughter To Work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters. Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.
The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low. The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.