Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race...
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Four nuns were attending a baseball game. Four men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns hoping that they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I’m going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there." Then the second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Missouri, there are only 75 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I want to go to Texas, there are only 50 nuns living there." The fourth guy said, "I want to go to Maine. There are only 25 nuns living there." The mother superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, "Why don’t you go to hell, there aren’t any nuns there!"
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch. Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground? Emile Heskey replied: "Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.