Yo' Mama's head is so big, she dreams in IMAX.
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!
Chuck Norris round house kicked the xbox and made the xbox 360.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Steve Martin
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever!
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to float? A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.