The best time jokes

A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
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I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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blonde asked someone what time it was, and the person told her it was 3:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
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Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
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Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
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What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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More jokes about: life, food, time
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, animal, car, time, mechanic
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
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I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
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More jokes about: fitness, time, car, gym