Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house? A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" she asked. "Ten years", he replied.
Sex is like math: Add the bed Subtract the clothes Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."