The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.
Chuck Norris kills time in his spare time.
Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch... He saw it 3 times a day.
In 1986 the U.S.S.R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris. The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."