A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
Time keeps going only to run away from Chuck Norris.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
Flashlight A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" she asked. "Ten years", he replied.
Michael Jackson does moonwalk because he doesn't have time to turn and run away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall. This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.