Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
Chuck Norris beat the light speed by 2 hours and 23 minutes.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Chuck Norris actually went to Rome by all roads. At the same time.
Chuck Norris made time wait.
Chuck Norris watched the first season of "24" in 5 hours.
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."