The best time jokes

Sundials tell the time according to the position of Chuck Norris.
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has 63.63 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math, science, time, travel
Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: age, political, time, wedding, Yo mama
Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry? A: It went back four seconds.
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: food, time
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, sex, time
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement" Me: "Thank you."
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: communication, prison, time
The economy got very bad in 2008. I saw a pimp driving a beat up old Volkswagon.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, money, time
The bartender said "Sorry,we don't serve time travelers." Two time travelers walk into a bar.
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has 63.06 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: bar, time, travel
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
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has 62.89 % from 304 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, lesbian, time
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
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