The best time jokes

Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: time, dirty
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
Vote: has 56.26 % from 136 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, lesbian, time
An Indian soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Indian army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in a Pakistani tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the Border. As I saw a Pakistani tank. I put my white flag up, the Pakistani tank put his white flag up. I said to the Pakistani soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
Vote: has 55.87 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, time, holiday
Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.
Vote: has 55.40 % from 239 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, age, time, war
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, love, time
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch. He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: time, god, life, death, money
Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers? A: You can only kill so much time.
Vote: has 54.53 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people, time
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, time
Chuck Norris can run so fast he can cause time travel.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time, travel