The best time jokes

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
Vote: has 24.11 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Vote: has 22.70 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, time, kids, animal, bird
For thirty years, Officer Johnson had arrived at the police station at 9 A.M. on the dot ready for duty. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival in the briefing room, it caused a major sensation. All announcements and patrol assignments ceased and the sergeant himself, looking at his watch and muttering, stormed out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, his uniform dusty and torn, his nametag missing, his face scratched and bruised, his shield bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs. Nearly freakin' killed myself." And the sergeant said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
Vote: has 22.36 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
Vote: has 18.69 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, phone, gym, time
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"
Vote: has 17.34 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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Scientists have predicted the world will end in 2012, but that's just a guess when Chusk Norris' patience will run out.
Vote: has 16.15 % from 136 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science, time
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
Vote: has 12.72 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, time, gym, teacher