The best jokes about women

There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?” The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!” So the woman asked, “Is this a record?” To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
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More jokes about: dirty, women, music
Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
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A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence" the farmer said. "This is a special day for me, I am celebrating."  "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman. "What a coincidence!" said the farmer.  As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence!" said the man.  "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different ****," he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"
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More jokes about: dirty, bar, women, alcohol, husband
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
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More jokes about: women, doctor, baby, food
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, golf, medical, stupid
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away. Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
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More jokes about: animal, sex, women
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
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More jokes about: women, dirty
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"
Vote: has 77.50 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, airplane, women
How to Impress a Woman: compliment her, kiss her, caress her, love her, comfort her, protect her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, listen to her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. How to Impress a Man: show up naked, bring beer.
Vote: has 77.47 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women, love, beer, romantic
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.
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More jokes about: women