Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
*Girl is crying* Dad: Why you crying? Girl: My boyfriend dumped me! Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him! Dad: I didn't Girl: Where did you go? Dad: To get you icecream :D Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?! Dad: So I could get it for free!
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.