The best jokes about women

Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women, life
A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The Bartender replies, "Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?" By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them. She says, "You sure he isn’t here?" The bartender mumbles through her fingers, "Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?" The woman then says, "Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!"
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, food, wife
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. "Right, you Jimmy," he shouts, "Ah want you to masturbate!" "But..." stammers the driver. "Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!" So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn"t take him long. "Right!" snarls the Highlander. "Du it agin, now!" So the driver does it again. "Right laddie, du it agin!" demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. "Du it again!" says the Highlander. "I can"t do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!" whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, "All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?"
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: driving, women, masturbation, travel, family
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, time
Sex is when a guys communication, enters a girls information, to increase the population, for a younger generation, do you get the information... or do you need a demonstration.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: poems, women, men, communication, sex
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future: Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: science, women, insulting
Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, fart, men
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, political, women