I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her ...
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes. When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!
I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it? A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.