The best jokes about women

Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, celebrity, love
Why is it called PMS? — Because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.
Vote: has 56.20 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Vote: has 55.72 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, bar, animal
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Vote: has 55.51 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, wife, death, sex
When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, god, love
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
Vote: has 55.20 % from 693 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, baby, women
"There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."
Vote: has 55.11 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Vote: has 54.77 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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A man knocked on a door an a women answered and he asked if he could use her toilet. She said you have 3 chances, if you do 3 things wrong I`ll call the police. So he went to piss but on the flush chain there was a bra so he ripped it off. Then when he was walking down the stairs he saw her cat called Boobs on the step & he hates cats so he squezed it & then threw it up the stairs. He then went in the kitchen where the women was & the women said why did you throw my cat up the stairs? He said I don`t know. While she went to get it, on the table was a glass of milk which he then drank. When the women came back she said you had your 3 chances now I'm calling the Police. When the police came they asked her what the man had done. She said this man has ripped her bra off, squezed her Boobs and drank her milk.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, women, ginger, blonde