What is a buttress? A female goat.
A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house. His mother had Puritan principals. The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice. "Mom, can I escort Helen?" The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears: "Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!"
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
Q: Why haven't they sent any women to the moon? A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
Girl: why am I still single? Brain: you're weird as shit. Body: and you're fat. Face: plus you're pretty ugly. Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you.
Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly... On a broomstick. We're flexible like that.
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?" "Yeah, for sure..." "And then... What are you waiting for...?"
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.