The best jokes about women

Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, priest, women
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage…
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, husband, doctor, dentist
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote: has 46.16 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, bar, wife, women, beer
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women
Q:Why did the woman cross the road? A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
How fast can a women drive? 68 mph. If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, travel
Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away.
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women