The best jokes about women

A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
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More jokes about: old people, women, husband, phone, beer
A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream? The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".
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More jokes about: women
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
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More jokes about: men, sex, women
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, women, age
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Vote: has 43.94 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, death
Q: How do you blind a woman? A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, bartender, animal, insulting
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
Vote: has 43.46 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, animal, women
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
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More jokes about: blonde, men, women
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Vote: has 43.26 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, women, sex