The best work jokes

Do you know why women aren't allowed in space? To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" "What is the problem?" "Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"
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has 79.60 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: military, women, work
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food, men, work
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: music, wife, work
Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew!
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has 79.17 % from 2637 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, jewish, mexican, racist, work
A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?" "Not even a little," said the young man. "How about alcoholic beverages?" "Never touch 'em," he replied. The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?" The applicant said, "No, not really." "So you don't have any vices?" "Well, I do have one," he admitted. "And what would that be?" the boss asked. "I tell lies."
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has 78.82 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, drug, women, work
Q: Why was the blonde late for work? A: She was stranded on the broken escalator.
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has 78.76 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: blonde, work
A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened. The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye." "Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks. "Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."
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has 78.64 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: church, life, work
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
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has 78.59 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, music, time, wine, work
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
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has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, time, work
Q: Why do economists exist? A: So accountants have someone to laugh at.
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has 78.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
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