Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.
A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas. They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately. The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job. Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert. Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around. Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."
Snooki is so short and orange that she works part time as a traffic cone.
A fellow walks into a bar feeling very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?" The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods." The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?" The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it." A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks. The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back." The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!" The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar. The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?" "No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
Q:What's the most dangerous job in America? A: The graveyard shift at a KFC in the projects.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.