The best work jokes

Q: What are three things you can't give a black person? A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
Vote: has 56.35 % from 464 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, work
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, political, work
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Vote: has 53.85 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, dad, god, work
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 53.15 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, work, food, sex
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, work, wife, food, husband
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, work, food
Why are niggers like sperm? Only 1 in a Million actually works
Vote: has 52.33 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, work
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Vote: has 52.29 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, doctor, wife, work, medical
First man: "I follow the medical profession." Second man: "Are you a doctor?" First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."
Vote: has 51.86 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, work, medical, doctor
Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
Vote: has 51.67 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, work