Two liars were talking together:
First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night."
Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass."
First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you."
Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
Two men work in a mortuary.
One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today.
She'd been in the water for a week.
Her clit was like a pickle."
"Ew!" says the other fellow.
"It was green?"
"No, it was sour!"
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In the courtroom where I worked as a court reporter, a dentist was called as a witness.
He took the oath a few feet from my desk, and I noticed his upraised arm was trembling, apparently from nervousness.
After he finished, I couldn't resist saying softly, "Sit down, Doctor. This won't hurt a bit."
Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
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Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
Yo' Mama is so poor, my jack-o-lantern gets better dental work then she does.
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work sober.
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers.
He rushes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."
"But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.
"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
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