If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried.
The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Vote:
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it.
The next day, the Grandfather died.
A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died.
Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation.
One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers.
"God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack.
He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic.
He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home.
He was still alive!
When he got home he appologised to his wife.
"I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled,
"The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.
Q: Who was the first accountant?
A: Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
Vote:
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
There was this Mexican guy, Black guy, and Asian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about today's work.
They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs
He says to the Mexican guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
He says to the Black guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're all fired."
The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd.
They immediately get to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work.
He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy.
He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy.
He looks around and can't find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
An old seamstress is slowly walking back to her job from lunch, when a flasher jumps out of an alley and opens his coat wide.
The old woman looks him up and down, shakes her head sadly, and says "You call that a lining?"
Vote:
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Yo mama so ugly when she auditioned for a horror movie they sent her to a professional!