Who was the fastest runner?
Adam.
He was first in the human race.
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Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."
Vote:
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards?
A: She wanted to gain weight!
Fan: "I see you won a silver medal at the Olympics. What's it for?¨"
Athlete: "It's for telling knock knock jokes."
Fan: "And what's that gold medal for?"
Athlete: "For stopping."
Vote:
How do you know when an Asian breaks into your home?
Your house is clean, your computer is fixed, and their still pulling out of your driveway.
A javelin thrower called Vicky
Found the grip of her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw
She couldn't let go.
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home during a small party.
He was a bit foggy after having a drink or two.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went red with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, with the guests not saying a word, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
Jack: "What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?"
Jill: "I haven't a clue. What?"
Jack: "Prontosaurus."
Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race.
One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds."
The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record."
So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
"I have the body of an athlete."
"Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."