Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."