Joke #11514

The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp. The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. "First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is." "Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate." "Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

Yo Mama's so dumb she waited all day at a stop sign.

The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."

HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’

Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.

Yo mama so fat that she could use a bra as a parachute

Yo momma so ugly that she made all her blind kids cry.

Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand. "All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"