The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door.
They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
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During a war warrior shouted against 3 ladies
Warrior: I am going to r*pe you all.
Younger lady: But please leave our grand mother.
Grand mother: Shut up, war is war.
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Pornhub is Down,
your mums Facebook will do.
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital.
The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.
He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure.
The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own.
The man quickly agreed.
The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man.
The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more.
The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten.
The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”
“But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”
“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”
“Oh crap!” the physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!”
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest.
The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out.
So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole.
The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out.
Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your dick is hanging out.
Vote:
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man.
"I want a cheese sandwich!"
Hey babe, I'd like to take it your rack! High five!
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?”
“Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”