Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law.
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The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work,
“I have great news for you.
Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”
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A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
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So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride.
"Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance."
Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him.
"It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye.
"Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?"
"I just don't like her", she replied.
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A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.
The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."
She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."
The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference."
She says, "You tell him.
He's the one shaving you."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?
A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
One night my mother in law came to our home.
In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.
She farted.
I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
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My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
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Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before.
Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
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