Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That’s not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!"
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny groaned and responded , "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Yo' Mama is so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.