The best office jokes

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
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More jokes about: work, management, office
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Vote: has 85.76 % from 113 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: work, money, IT, office
Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss "Certainly not!" Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mother in law, office, management
Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: office, April fools
Write a message on an upside-down paper cup that alludes to something horrible being trapped under it. Leave it on a coworker's desk or in a conference room.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: office, April fools
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: office, party, accountant
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
Vote: has 77.18 % from 156 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer, bar, women, office
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Vote: has 76.54 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, office, time, death
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients. After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?" "Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, office, work, phone, communication
"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" "No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"
Vote: has 73.80 % from 216 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, work, office