The best wife jokes

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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More jokes about: marriage, wife
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
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More jokes about: marriage, husband, wife, golf, sport
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
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More jokes about: marriage, wife, husband, death
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
Vote: has 89.65 % from 919 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, bar, bartender, beer, wife
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
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More jokes about: marriage, women, wife, beauty
A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.” The friend says, “Why not?” The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
Vote: has 89.62 % from 261 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."
Vote: has 89.55 % from 796 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, work, wife, doctor, god
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Vote: has 89.46 % from 643 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, couple, travel, husband, wife
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
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More jokes about: men, wife, marriage
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Vote: has 89.43 % from 245 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, wife