The best weed jokes

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Vote: has 85.35 % from 262 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana
Vote: has 84.80 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth. So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed. 1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth. Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth. Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
Vote: has 82.81 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, weed, alcohol, time, vulgar
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"
Vote: has 81.25 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed-eater?" "No." "Then you're a queer."
Vote: has 79.70 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, bar, college, weed, family
Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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