The best soccer jokes

During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.
Vote: has 81.34 % from 336 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, soccer
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."
Vote: has 78.55 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher, soccer
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Vote: has 68.93 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, doctor, soccer, game
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green? Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
Vote: has 67.62 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, soccer, sport, black people
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch. Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground? Emile Heskey replied: "Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, soccer
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, soccer, sport
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, cop, family, soccer
Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, soccer, sport
A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Vote: has 58.98 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, soccer, game, math
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, soccer, game