The best atheist jokes

Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist? A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
Vote: has 84.80 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? A: Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Vote: has 81.77 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, math, religious
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, light bulb, work, god
There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, atheist, god, christian
An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, god, time
One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her. Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God. Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?" Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?" "No." "Hear God?" "No." "Feel God?" "No." This went on for quite a while. "Well then God doesn't exist." Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."
Vote: has 70.03 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, atheist, little Johnny, god, insulting
Q: Why did the Atheist cross the road? A: He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn't believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, science
An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master." The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you." The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this." The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. "What about your third wish?" asks the genie. "Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars." The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. "What's wrong?" asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn't necessarily mean that I really exist."
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist, genie, money
Q: Why did the boy come first in the 100 metre sprint? A: He had athlete's foot.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: atheist