Best jokes ever

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
Vote: has 97.00 % from 3592 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, math
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."
Vote: has 90.60 % from 363 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
Vote: has 90.51 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, wife, marriage
Man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
Vote: has 90.36 % from 232 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Vote: has 90.31 % from 574 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Vote: has 90.29 % from 1125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
Vote: has 90.26 % from 254 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Vote: has 90.23 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, birthday, wife
A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"
Vote: has 90.23 % from 454 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver. ‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Vote: has 90.19 % from 191 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage