The best programmer jokes

Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
Vote: has 88.20 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, programmer, IT, geek, work
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"
Vote: has 87.23 % from 337 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer, travel, women
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Vote: has 86.20 % from 237 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, animal, beauty, computer, programmer
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
Vote: has 85.33 % from 910 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer
A system administrator has 2 problems: - dumb users - smart users
Vote: has 84.58 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer, computer
A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
Vote: has 84.52 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, doctor, animal, programmer, computer
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Vote: has 84.47 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, money, programmer, coding
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware problem.
Vote: has 83.78 % from 257 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, light bulb, programmer
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
Vote: has 82.91 % from 170 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer, women
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Vote: has 82.72 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: geek, IT, programmer, coding, work